


Dyuarizumu

by afteriwake



Series: In So Few Words [30]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Changing Feelings, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, One-Sided Attraction, POV Hitsugaya Toshirou, relationship musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-15
Updated: 2012-07-15
Packaged: 2017-11-10 01:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/460698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He isn’t sure how to tell her, if he ever will, but he knows how to deal with his own feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dyuarizumu

**Author's Note:**

> For **unwritten_icons** , who gave me the pairing Hitsugaya/Karin and the prompt “duality.” In doing research I found out more about “dualism” and then up sprang this fic. Not my normal romantic-type HitsuKarin fic, BTW. The title comes from one of the Japanese words for dualism (not sure how it would be used, but I liked it, so I kept it).

He had once looked at an English dictionary, when visiting the world of the living; in his quest to be the best commander he could be, he had learned English in order to analyze British and American strategies better. One of the words that had stuck with him was “duality,” which found its roots in the theory of dualism, though the Japanese called it dyuarizumu. It was a theory that considers reality to consist of two irreducible elements or modes, or a doctrine that the universe is under the dominion of two opposing principles one of which is good and the other evil, but he had found another definition to be equally as interesting, though not remotely helpful for what he had been studying at the time: a view of human beings as constituted of two irreducible elements (as matter and spirit).

At the time he had not been concerned with humanity, instead concerned with the secrets it could share to help him be a better captain, to lead his forces better, train them harder. The concept that there were two opposing principles in the universe, one good and one evil…that he could relate to. He was one of the good guys, and Hollows and their ilk were evil. He could understand that one. And the idea that there were two elements, neither of which would be reduced, he understood that: just as there were always shinigami around, there would also always be Hollows. It was never-ending.

It wasn’t until he met and began socializing with Karin Kurosaki that he really took a good look at humanity. He knew that as bodies failed, a person’s spiritual energy increased; it seemed to be more like a transfer of power, one of the first lessons learned in the Academy. But he knew that, eventually, the matter would be gone and the spirit would live on in Soul Society. Karin, like her brother, was different: her spiritual power was already high, and would likely get higher as she matured. If she was anything like her brother and decided to take up where he left off, she could potentially equal him, if not surpass him.

Of course, “duality” was usually used in the terms of a person’s nature. Were they one way around family, another around friends? Was there a face they showed the world, and a face they kept hidden? Most people had a dual nature; some, like Matsumoto, hid it well enough that it was only if you caught them on a bad day you would notice; some, like Aizen, were masters at separating them. But with Karin, he had the feeling she didn’t really have one. What you saw was who she was, all the way down to the bone. If she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t hide it behind a façade of friendliness…you would know she didn’t like you. Likewise, if she liked you, you would know.

It only became a mystery when he had to confront the fact that he had growing affection for her, bordering on a crush. If he revealed he felt anything more for her than a friendship that had increasingly grown stronger, would she reciprocate easily, or would she hide feelings like these below the surface, smother them with the aforementioned friendship? It was a very difficult predicament to be in; until she died, they would not get to be together, and the longer she stayed in the human world the more of a gap there was between them. Soon she would start to look older, act older, be treated as an adult, and he would be stuck as a young man until it was his time to join the never-ending flow of souls back down to Earth.

In the end, he practiced his own form of duality, keeping the gruff exterior of a friend close at hand while dealing with her, and repressing any other feelings he might have for her in the meantime, keeping them quiet in his soul, deep down where she would never know. If circumstances changed, and any change that would merit a change in his actions would be detrimental to her continued health, then he would let her know. But for now, he would tell no one, and keep that side of himself closed off and buried deep down where they would not hurt anyone.


End file.
